I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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