someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
