whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
