If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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