I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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