On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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