6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
