Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
