party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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