I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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