so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize