She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
