how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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