Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
