You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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