hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
