Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
