rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
