some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
