Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm both gender and math confused
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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