i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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