we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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