turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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