Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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