we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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