dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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