I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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