I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
