Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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