please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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