I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
