I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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