It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
