I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
