His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
