eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
