he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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