So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
