Plan B is the new Plan A
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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