rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
