Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
