I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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