two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
