In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
