Michael Bay diarrhea
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
