dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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