I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
