There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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