Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
