I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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