The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
