my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
