She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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