I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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