He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
