the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
