I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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