Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
